The Top Five Moments in Preston’s (Never-Ending) Laundry Saga

Ever experienced the heart-wrenching pain of standing in line for a laundry machine only to realize every single one is claimed by The Usual Suspects? Or worse, hunted down the mysterious creature known only as The Token Hoarder? Well, hold tight, because we’re rewinding back to Semester One of the legendary 2022 Washroom Saga, where the laundry tokens went from eighty to twenty faster than you can say “freshman orientation.” Here are the Top 5 Moments, as the legend lives on:

5. The “Serial Clothes Dumper” — Honorable Mention but Worth the Hype

Picture this: you spot the Holy Grail, an empty washing machine. Victory! You sprint back, arms full, only to find that your machine is now occupied by a random heap of clothes with no owner in sight. Reports of a serial “clothes dumper” creeping through the washroom have been pouring in, yet no one has managed to catch them in the act. Have you?

4. The “Housekeeper” — Family Reunion in the Washroom?

According to a recent survey by our ace Preston Media team, the next spot is well-earned by The Housekeeper. Now, if you’ve ever seen someone roll up to the washroom with enough laundry for a small army, you’ll understand why. One resident sums it up best: “It come like seh a the whol family dem a wash fah! Ma, Pa, bredda, Sista, Cousin—everybody!”

A source claiming insider knowledge has confirmed the rumor under anonymity: “Mi like when everything smell fresh, so mi buy up di token dem and carry everything go wash.”  They’ll toss in anything that’ll fit, and you’re left wondering if they’re laundering for half the dorm.

3. The “Token Hoarder” — A Myth? A Legend? Or Just Your Neighbor?

The elusive Token Hoarder secures the middle spot for reasons that strike terror into the hearts of laundry warriors. Have you ever trekked from your room to Facilities, only to hear “I just sold the last one”? All of Preston (except the culprits themselves) can relate. The token hoarder is a rare breed—sly, fast, and capable of buying all the tokens that Preston has to offer in mere minutes. Spotting them in action is akin to a Bigfoot sighting: blink, and they’re gone, tokens in hand.

2. The “Machine Hogger” — More Persistent Than a Jamaican Man

Machine Hoggers, folks. This exclusive breed has one goal and one goal only: grab a machine and defend it like it’s the last one on Earth. Perched on the edge of their bed, they watch over weeks-old laundry, waiting to pounce on a machine and then hold it hostage for the better part of the day. The pinnacle of their art? The dryer. Approach with caution, as the peace of the laundry room hangs by a thread whenever they’re in the vicinity.

1. The “Clothes Deserter” — The Ultimate Shame

And finally, the top spot goes to the infamous Clothes Deserter. You’ve waited for a machine on your one free day. You’re counting down the minutes, but alas! Forty-five minutes turn into two hours, and it becomes all too clear—you’ve been outwitted by a clothes deserter. These con artists have carried “forgetting” laundry to a level worthy of its own thesis and dissertation. Did they go on an adventure? Take a nap? Or did they simply forget? No one knows, but their laundry (whether on the line or in the machines) are permanently parked. Like come on, set a timer!

So, there you have it, AZ Preston: the best (or worst?) moments in our washroom. And if you’ve got a story or two to add…let’s just say the laundry room is always open.

Which of these horrors haunts you more?

• 0%The Serial Clothes Dumper
• 0%The Housekeeper
• 0%The Token Hoarder
• 0%The Machine Hogger

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