Exam Anxiety: Confessions of a Struggling Med Student

Photo by Nappy on Unsplash

Today I want to share something that has been on my mind for a while.

It caused me a lot of stress and discontent along my journey through university. Candid Pub was created for the sharing issues that many tertiary students face, but no one really addresses them. Therefore, I’ll share with you my experience with exam anxiety.

Psychology of an Overachiever

For as long as I can remember, I have always had a competitive nature in myself. I always wanted to win, which isn’t a strange desire, especially for toddlers and five-year-olds, but as I got older, the desire developed into something deeper.

To clarify, my competitive nature was more inward than outward. I was not hateful toward other children who won or played unfairly just to win. Winning just felt good and validating to me, I guess.

Each person chooses a particular aspect of themselves to draw self-value from; it could be their beauty, talents, money, etc. As a young girl, I started to draw self-value from my intelligence because that’s what I was complimented on and received attention for.

The greatest achievements I had in my life were all academic, but one of the biggest blows to my ego was a low grade. Moreover, because I aimed to get into medical school, having good grades was a necessity. I carried on with that mentality from primary school to the end of high school, but I didn’t quite pick up that something was wrong with it.

It got worse.

Fast forward to 2021, I got into medical school and I’m in the second semester of my first year preparing for final exams. I was nervous because the lectures were going so fast, I was doing eight courses and wasn’t keeping up very well. One night, a week or more before exams began, my study group and I were revising topics but I felt so lost and confused.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, “Girl, you’re not ready, you’re going to fail.” 

It was such a disheartening moment because I came into the semester so positive and excited.

I was living out my dream to study medicine, which I have worked so hard and so long for. However, I am doing badly. From then on, every time I tried to study, I’d feel the muscles in my throat constrict and my breathing felt awkward. I became very irritable and had arguments with people in my household if they tried to interfere with my study time. One argument got so bad that I had a full-blown emotional breakdown.

By the grace of God and the help of supportive friends and family, I made it through most of the final exams with a calmer mind. However, when it came to the exam I was the least prepared for, I had a panic attack. What’s crazy is I could sense it was creeping up on me minutes before the exam began. I tried to shake myself out of it, telling myself “I don’t care about the exam”, counting to 100, taking deep breaths, etc. But my throat felt like someone had their hands clasped around it and was slowly increasing the tightness of their grip, causing me to gasp for air. “This isn’t normal,” I thought to myself. After trying a few more calming techniques and I pushed through the exam as best as I could. I sought help through counselling services provided by my university. Through the sessions, I learned I was experiencing exam anxiety.

What is exam anxiety?

Exam anxiety is sometimes referred to as test anxiety and is related to performance anxiety. According to the website, Very Well Mind, exam anxiety is “a psychological condition in which people experience extreme distress and anxiety in testing situations.” Everyone experiences some degree of nervousness before an exam sometimes, however, exam anxiety is a much more heightened feeling that impairs learning and test performance. These are some symptoms that can be present if you struggle with exam anxiety:

Physical:

•       Headache, nausea, vomiting, increased sweating, shortness of breath, diarrhoea, rapid heartbeat, light-headedness, and feeling faint.

Psychological:

•       depression, irritation, low self-esteem and demotivation

Cognitive:

•       impaired memory, procrastination, difficulty concentrating, and negative self-talk

The first time I saw the list, I realized I experienced most of the symptoms as early as grade 10 in my physics exam. I felt like I was either gonna faint or puke all over my paper. Exam anxiety can be mild or severe, so keep that in mind when assessing if you might be struggling with the same thing as well. And it’s important to start addressing the issue as soon as possible because it tends to become worse if ignored.

So many students have this issue but do not know there is a name for it. They normalize the symptoms they are experiencing or feel not many people can relate to them, so they suffer in silence. But the truth is, you don’t have to, and you can excel so much better academically once you overcome the problem. I have managed to decrease the effects of it, though there’s still much to improve, and I will share what I have learned in my post “How to Deal With Exam Anxiety“.