Comparison: The Thief of Joy

Comparison: Everybody Vs Me

Why do we compare ourselves with others?

We have all at one point seen another person and felt a slow-growing feeling of envy, inadequacy or failure. The person we saw probably has an awesome body, a great job, an expensive car, a seemingly great relationship, etc. For every person, there is that one that triggers the desire to compare his life situation to someone.

This is a common behaviour that often goes unnoticed within us but if left unchecked and allowed to grow, that continuous self-comparison will breed unhappiness, sadness, discontent and at worst depression. But why do we compare ourselves to others?

One theory is given by Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. We as humans are social beings and desire to be integrated into society. Once our primal and basic needs of food, water and rest are met we go up the hierarchy of desire. We go on to the desire to belong and acquire selffulfilment. We want to be seen as accomplished, a part of the high class, financially stable and we want to be loved.

Movement in the “Hierarchy of Needs” is not unidirectional, a person’s level of need fluctuates as their situation in life changes, e.g. unemployment, divorce and transferring to a new college.  

When our needs are not met, we become unhappy and even envious of others who have the things we desire. This is where the comparison comes in because we begin to think “Why don’t I have what she has?” We feel like we’re falling short somewhere in our life.

This habit of comparison is not limited to a social class or economic group. A rich man can have the habit of comparison just as much as a struggling undergraduate student. Therefore, earning more, becoming more successful or more beautiful does not cure this habit and bring joy to one’s life.

Age of Social Media

Today, many teens and young adults in their twenties are involved in and are active users of social media platforms like Instagram, Twitter and YouTube. It is almost impossible to avoid them, and it has become a source of income for many. Social media, however, are the biggest triggers of self-comparison because they show us a perfect image of everyone. We see everyone levelling up, more young adults becoming millionaires in their 20s, Insta-models and entrepreneurs. It is then easy for us to feel as if we have fallen short in life, unattractive and feel the need to achieve a body or lifestyle that is not quite attainable. How then do we resist the temptation of self-comparison?

Step 1: Not all that glitters is gold

It is important to understand that social media is merely a small window through which we observe the lives of others. We cannot see the dynamics within their homes, how the persons earned their wealth, success or even the body they have.

The Instagram model with the Gucci bag may not own the bag. The influencer travelling the world may just be sponsored to do so by a company and is working quite hard to produce quality pictures to keep receiving the sponsors to support their lifestyle.

The person who looks happy on their profile may just be as depressed and unhappy as you are. Or not. The fact is you never know.

Remove these sponsors, fame, money, etc. these influencers are just like me and you. Fame is a fleeting commodity in the age of society and should not be envied as it is sometimes not easily maintained and comes at a price of constant scrutiny by the public.

Step 2: Learning to step away from it all

Though social media has been an integral part of our every day, as young adults we must learn the art of stepping away from it all. It is so easy to be sucked into hours upon hours of watching other people live their lives and comparing our life to a stranger. 

A great way to decrease the amount of self-comparison is to step away from the triggers of it. It’s okay to set timers when you take a break from Instagram or just deleting the app may be the best solution for an individual with chronic levels of self-criticism and self-comparison. 

Stop following people who have bodies achieved by plastic surgeries and Botox you can’t afford and follow people with more natural physiques that are healthy and achievable.

Find a page that inspires motivation in yourself rather than pages that inspire feelings of inadequacy and envy within yourself. When you have overcome the habit of self-comparison you may venture back to these pages, but in your state of weakness, it is best to avoid triggers.

Step 3: Finding contentment in yourself

Contentment, is the quality that even some of the richest in society do not possess. Contentment does not suggest nor is synonymous with complacency, lack of ambition and lack of drive to develop. Contentment refers to a mental state of being happy with what you have and having peace of mind. 

When a person is perpetually discontented, no amount of money, success, beauty, or love will quench her desire for happiness and satisfaction. A discontented person compares his condition to others and believes that everyone else is happy while he is not.

How does one then move from this mental state of discontentment? This is accomplished by practising gratitude daily. Find something in your life to be thankful for each day. The things you choose to give thanks for do not need to be great; simple things such as life, food, good friends, and a supportive family are sufficient. This attitude cultivates contentment and peace of mind in an individual.

Step 4: Work towards the best version of yourself

As previously stated, contentment does not equate to complacency or stagnation. Rather contentment allows for individuals to pursue self-improvement healthily.

Once steps 1 through 3 have been executed an individual can reduce their habit of self-comparison by working towards the betterment of their lifestyle, education, relationships, physical appearance, etc.

As Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs demonstrates, our needs for prestige, love, self-fulfilment, and accomplishment are natural and should not be ignored. The longer we are deprived of these higher needs the stronger the desire for them will grow. 

Therefore, though we may be content with ourselves, the desire to become better should be engaged and acquired. Failure to do so will bring internal dissatisfaction and self-comparison to others who have the things we want. Then we feel bad in ourselves, and the vicious cycle begins again.

While developing yourself, remember to be patient with yourself. Do not compare your rate of development to others. Move at the pace best suited to you. 

So, in conclusion, if we step away from social media a bit, understand that everything isn’t as it seems and move towards the best version of ourselves in contentment, we can kick the habit of self-contentment. Nothing happens overnight and they say that it takes 60 days to form a habit, so never stop trying. 

Meet Ariel Simmonds

Ariel Simmonds is a medical student in her final year. Her blog is called Candid Pub. It highlights issues specifically for students and young adults. She creates articles sharing insights with hopeful teens and people in their early twenties. Topics are often what she wished she knew before entering university and adulthood. If you're interested and hungry for more check out her blog here! >>> Candid Pub.